Disillusion Me
by Come To Terms
Summary: Set after Ran gets his revenge. Yohji helps him to understand where to go from where he's found himself. Not shonen ai. May be continued at a later date.


**A/N:** Enjoy. The plot and idea are mine, though the characters are not. It's really early in the morning, so it may seem strange. Inspired by a song as I was listening to the music on my comp. This is an overdone thing, I know, but I also know that no matter how many times I read things like this, they're still interesting since it's from another author's viewpoint. Be considerate and do the same for me? Please? Lol.

**CTT**

"Our disillusionment is how we grow…"- from Track 13 of the Seven Day Jesus music sampler, the inspiration of the song

**DISILLUSION ME**

_**E**veryone is disillusioned at some point in life…Be they old, young, or somewhere in-between, their time will come and they will learn what it means to truly struggle and lose something important in their life…_

_Ran laughed in his dream, holding hands with his little sister. Her laugh was clear as a bell, sweet as sugar, and turned him to putty pliable only to her hands. Dangling from his ears were a pair of gold earrings…_

_Wait…A pair? There was only supposed to be one…The other belonged to his beloved Aya-chan…He looked up at her face, but it was gone…The only thing left was her hand, which he clutched tightly._

"_Aya-chan! Wait! Where are you going!" He felt her smile, somehow, then the hand evaporated and he began to fall into a sea of metal, stone, and red…_

Aya shot up in bed, gasping for breath. Again! Again he'd dreamt of her! The red-head ran his hands over his face and swung his legs out of the bed while throwing off the covers. Quietly, so as not to wake anyone up, he opened his door and padded down the hall to the stairs. He'd use the sink in the kitchen to wash his face and then go back up to bed.

Aya saw the light in the kitchen and snuck forward, instead of just walking in like he usually would. Slowly, Aya craned his neck so that he could see around the corner without enough of him being seen in return to be noticed. He almost sighed when he realized that it was just Yohji, sitting at the table and smoking a cigarette. One wine-red eyebrow twitched in reflex, hating the idea that Yohji had broken a silent rule.

He calmly strode into the room, snagging the cigarette from between the blonde's lips and taking it to the sink with him. He crushed it against the ceramic surface, then ran cold water and ducked his head underneath it. If he wasn't awake before, he was now. Feeling slightly refreshed, Aya turned to face the other man. The playboy exterior had slid back in place when Yohji realized Aya was there, and Aya doubted it would come down. Another unspoken rule: You don't ask, they don't ask.

The cooling water dripped from tendrils of his hair onto his shoulders, making him shiver. "Don't let me catch you smoking in here again," he warned, then pushed off from the counter to head back upstairs.

Back in the kitchen Yohji silently rose from the table, slipping a lighter and a pack of cigarettes into his pocket before he followed Aya up.

AYAHAYAHAYAHAYA

#next night#

_Ran stared on in horror when he and Aya-chan reached their parents room…Blood, it was everywhere, and Aya-chan was walking straight into the heart of the red destruction. A ticking sound caught his attention and he looked a little to his sister's right, only to see a bomb. Swallowing his pain, he ran forward and grabbed Aya-chan's hand._

"_Come on! We have to get out of here! There's a bomb!" They ran from the room, Aya-chan's sobs wrenching at Ran's heart and dragging forth his own grief. They neared the end of the sidewalk and Ran pushed the girl farther forward, just a little farther out of the blasting range…The night erupted behind them into a fountain of stone and fire, and a slab of some part of the house that was no longer recognizable landed on the red-head's legs. _

_He raised tortured amethyst eyes to his sister's and yelled, "Run!" Aya-chan, crying, ran out into the street without looking where she was going…The car moved forward in slow motion as the world around the car and Aya-chan turned to black…Ran knew that if the pain in his leg would just disappear, he could move forward to save his sister and take her place, and in that moment, the impossible happened…His feet moved, his arms reached, and it was HIS body that was hit, HIS body that crashed to the concrete._

_The young boy, no, man rose to hands and knees, coughing blood. He pushed himself to his feet, wavering for a moment before steadying. The car was gone, disappearing into a sea of black…The pain eased and the metallic taste in his mouth seemed as though it had never been. Ran looked around, smiling happily._

"_Aya-chan! Aya-chan, where are you? I'm fine, and so are you! So, come on out!" His voice broke on the last word when she didn't come running up to him per usual. He staggered forward, tears running down his face…He was crying? Why…? Then he saw her, and realized that it was no use. His injuries had become hers, and she lay like a broken doll on the ground near the tires of the car…The car? Wasn't it gone…? Takatori's face floated out of the dark, laughing maniacally. _

"_Where is your precious family now, boy?" His face was burned, and blood poured from his mouth. "You killed her, just as you killed me! No matter what you do, there's no bringing them back!"_

_Ran fell to his knees, clutching his hands over his ears as tightly as possible to block out the deep, resonating voice that seemed to echo in the depths of his soul…_

"_No!"_

Aya's eyes slid open, slowly, mind overwhelmed by the phantom emotions of a half-remembered nightmare. He sighed and slid out of bed, once again deciding to head down to the kitchen to soak his head. It was no wonder that these dreams were coming up now. They'd only gotten back to the Koneko after the fall of Estet a week or so ago, and he still hadn't dealt with Aya-chan being back in the world of the living and Takatori being gone. The whole meaning of his existence had been taken from him in one fell swoop: taking care of Aya-chan, including avenging her.

He smiled bitterly, realizing the irony of his situation. He'd spent so long, done so much just to take care of her, to create a new life for her. For what? In the process of 'saving' her, he'd destroyed his own life. Essentially, he'd done exactly what he'd always wanted...He traded his life for hers.

Pulled out of his thoughts when he saw the light in the kitchen, he decided not to bother with checking to see who it was. Aya made a beeline for the sink, knowing the path without having to see it after so many nights that were exactly the same as this. He turned the faucet on and stuck his head under it, then leaned on the edge of the sink for a while, just letting the water flow. After a minute of shivering he became used to it and closed his eyes, wide awake.

"What was yours about?" Yohji's voice floated to him through his thoughts. He jerked up, startled, and blinked. How long had he been standing there since he ducked under the water?

The redhead blinked again when he realized just what Yohji had said, and he turned to glare at the blonde. Another unspoken rule, broken by the playboy.

"That's none of your business," Aya replied coldly, layering the ice in his words.

Yohji wasn't paying any attention to him. His eyes were focused on a point somewhere past him.

"You'll get over this eventually, Aya," he said quietly. "You've been 'disillusioned.' Omi's kidnapping and abandonment opened his eyes. When Ken lost Kase, he understood. I understood, but only after Neu." The gaze of the green eyes sharpened and landed on Aya. "Despite all that you've been through, it took the resolution of your revenge and your sister's awakening to show you. You understand now, don't you? Life really doesn't care. You can be cold all you want, that just makes you even more insignificant. You have to live for yourself in this world, or you'll never be happy. Living for others is good, but only up to a certain point."

Yohji rose to his feet and walked to the doorway, then paused and turned back. "You've finally lost the most important thing in your life. We lost it before Weiss. You've lost everything you've worked for, your very reason for living. You have to find something new. It can be Weiss. It can be a flower shop, it can even be a dog. Find a starting point, and build again. One day, you'll look back, and you'll be happy with what you've done, and it won't matter whether Life cares. You did it yourself, without Life doing anything for you."

The blonde turned and disappeared into the dark of the hallway, leaving Aya staring after him, deep in thought. Maybe...Maybe for once he'd take the playboy's advice. Maybe it was worth something, this time.

Aya shook his head and left the kitchen, flipping the light off on his way out.

AYAHAYAHAYAHAYA

#a week later#

Yohji looked up as the bell on the door of the shop rang. It was nearly time for the afternoon rush of schoolgirls, and Aya hadn't shown up for his shift yet.

Said redhead stood framed in the doorway, a tabby kitten in his arms eagerly peering at the shop. Aya held the kitten up for inspection, smiling tentatively. Yohji stood and walked over to take the kitten from him. After inspecting it closely, Yohji gave Aya a thumbs-up and smiled.

He was glad Aya finally understood, and could start anew. He knew that he would build something grand.

06/13/05, Monday, 6:10 PM

A/N: All right, it's finished, though nowhere near the same day it was started. My computer had some issues and then it was trapped in limbo on a disc. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it, though I know it's short. Sorry aboutthat.Jya ne, guys.

CTT


End file.
